The reason I was doing it? Because everyone was doing it. Because everyone had a blog. And one of my favorite reasons was because I had the control.. from the name of my blog link, to how my blog layout looked, to every word I typed, to every picture I posted. I would spend hours perfecting my blog layout, browsing through blogskins and tweaking the html until I'm satisfied. I couldn't even sleep if my mind tells me something isn't right! It simply had to be perfect. I still do that actually, but now that my wants are simple and since I now have the skills that I didn't have years ago, it doesn't take so long and I can actually go to sleep satisfied with my work (my newest layout took me about half a day to design, not bad).
The way I blog has changed throughout the years. At the beginning, the way I blogged was more dramatic. If I was happy, I blogged happy, *insert x100 exclamation marks*. If I was sad, I'd upload a picture of an emo muffin. I probably sounded like a bimbo too. Can you imagine someone reading my blog in their minds with me sounding like a bimbo? You probably can't, because my older posts aren't available in mimirello, since I've transferred it all. There's a reason for that, I'll tell you soon. Once in a while, I read all my old posts and think "Why?...Oh yeah, I was 16." You know, Sweet Sixteen. And now what? Just Turning Twenty. Sounds so boring. I should rename it to Thunder Twenty or Trolling Twenty or Tosai Twenty. Seriously, I blogged about every single little thing, probably blogged about the fish Mimit ate too last time.
As time went by, people started reading my blog. Even kids from other schools that I never even met before. Even family members I didn't even know that they read my blog, actually read my blog. My lecturers are probably reading this too. And as much as I want my blog to be a success, a tiny little part of me did not like it and I ended up blogging less about my life in a more personal way. It has stuck until now, that is why so many post are only about the things that I buy, the food that I eat and the places that I visit. I made it more general, I even read my own blog with a monotone voice in my head. I deleted my past posts because I don't want people to know me so well because I like to have something for myself. I don't post about my feelings towards people, although sometimes I am tempted to, especially when people make me angry. I don't post about really deep thoughts. Sometimes I want to stand out really bad, but this part of me wants to blend in.
It's like I'm struggling to find out my true self, I can't find her yet though. I'm reminding myelf to enjoy the journey and not worry so much about the destination. So maybe, one day, in this blog, I will be my bimbo self once more.