Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Blogging to Write. Writing to Blog.

I started blogging in 2008.
The reason I was doing it? Because everyone was doing it. Because everyone had a blog. And one of my favorite reasons was because I had the control.. from the name of my blog link, to how my blog layout looked, to every word I typed, to every picture I posted. I would spend hours perfecting my blog layout, browsing through blogskins and tweaking the html until I'm satisfied. I couldn't even sleep if my mind tells me something isn't right! It simply had to be perfect. I still do that actually, but now that my wants are simple and since I now have the skills that I didn't have years ago, it doesn't take so long and I can actually go to sleep satisfied with my work (my newest layout took me about half a day to design, not bad).

The way I blog has changed throughout the years. At the beginning, the way I blogged was more dramatic. If I was happy, I blogged happy, *insert x100 exclamation marks*. If I was sad, I'd upload a picture of an emo muffin. I probably sounded like a bimbo too. Can you imagine someone reading my blog in their minds with me sounding like a bimbo? You probably can't, because my older posts aren't available in mimirello, since I've transferred it all. There's a reason for that, I'll tell you soon. Once in a while, I read all my old posts and think "Why?...Oh yeah, I was 16." You know, Sweet Sixteen. And now what? Just Turning Twenty. Sounds so boring. I should rename it to Thunder Twenty or Trolling Twenty or Tosai Twenty. Seriously, I blogged about every single little thing, probably blogged about the fish Mimit ate too last time.

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As time went by, people started reading my blog. Even kids from other schools that I never even met before. Even family members I didn't even know that they read my blog, actually read my blog. My lecturers are probably reading this too. And as much as I want my blog to be a success, a tiny little part of me did not like it and I ended up blogging less about my life in a more personal way. It has stuck until now, that is why so many post are only about the things that I buy, the food that I eat and the places that I visit. I made it more general, I even read my own blog with a monotone voice in my head. I deleted my past posts because I don't want people to know me so well because I like to have something for myself. I don't post about my feelings towards people, although sometimes I am tempted to, especially when people make me angry. I don't post about really deep thoughts. Sometimes I want to stand out really bad, but this part of me wants to blend in.


It's like I'm struggling to find out my true self, I can't find her yet though. I'm reminding myelf to enjoy the journey and not worry so much about the destination. So maybe, one day, in this blog, I will be my bimbo self once more.


2 comments:

  1. Actually... i really love this post! :)

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  2. I can relate to this post so much (but of course my blog is not as popular as yours). It's a constant dilemma, to blog about personal stuff or not. I don't mind close friends&family or strangers reading but I'm mostly afraid of hi-bye friends reading haha. I'm bummed that I deleted my old posts from 5/6 years ago because I would love to read them again despite the embarrassment. Lately I just wanna blog about random personal stuffs again just so I can reread them in the future though haha but we'll see how that goes. Love your blog!

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